


No Instructions

by kyuninthesky



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 18:16:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20030200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyuninthesky/pseuds/kyuninthesky
Summary: He tried to blame the alcohol for the overwhelming feeling in his body and how he wondered if the taste of Hoseok’s lips would get rid of it. He tried to convince himself that because there were couples making out on every corner of the room, he wanted to know what it felt like too… with Hoseok.





	No Instructions

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure if i had entered all of the relevant and appropriate tags (hopefully i did) so i would like to apologize just in case there are things that you didn't expect in the story!
> 
> The title was inspired from [Katie's No Instructions](https://open.spotify.com/track/6EXYxLSviwao1tbUyzYNe7) check it out!
> 
> I really hope you enjoy reading this <3

The artificial smell of roses that is radiating from the scented car gel that Hoseok bought at a convenience store last Saturday isn’t as rosy as he expected but it’s pleasant enough and there’s definitely magic to it. “Romantic aroma” it says on the packaging. Romantic indeed. It’s freezing cold but Changkyun’s hold on his right hand while he drives makes him feel warm and fuzzy on the inside and even though sometimes he feels quite uncomfortable holding onto the steering wheel with just his non-dominant hand, he doesn’t want the raven haired man to let go. And the way the younger would mindlessly plant kisses on his knuckles from time to time, Hoseok thinks that it’s adorable and he just can’t complain. Changkyun can hold his hand forever if he wants to. Never in his entire life had he imagined this happening.

Everything feels too good to be true.

They’ve only been together for two weeks and every morning, Hoseok would feel like the luckiest person on Earth to have Changkyun as his lover. He had been crushing on the younger for quite a long time and to think that they are in a romantic relationship now? Bizarre. Looking at his side from time to time, he adores the way Changkyun caresses his own left cheek using his hand and Hoseok can feel the fading acne scars at the back of his hand, wondering what they would feel like beneath his palms instead. Even under his lips. Throughout the two weeks that they have been dating, they have only kissed once but it was more like a peck because at that time, Hoseok was still not sure if the younger was comfortable enough to actually kiss. As out-going as Changkyun is, he’s never the one to initiate any physical intimacy and show his affections among their group of friends. But here they are, in Hoseok’s car, on their way to his apartment with Changkyun engulfing Hoseok’s right hand with his smaller hands, kissing it when he feels like it and then simply resting his cheek on their tangled hands. Cute.

To break the silence Hoseok finally says, “Enjoying yourself?” Referring to the younger whose lips are comfortably nipping on the skin of the back of his hand.

“Very much,” the younger simply mumbles and then he hesitates, “is this—is this weird?” He looks up to the man beside him who is still focused on the road in front of them. He has a hint of innocence and curiosity in his eyes – which is unusual since he’s usually a playful person with mischief in his eyes—and they did not go unnoticed by Hoseok who can see it from his peripheral vision.

Hoseok bites his lips, not wanting to answer the question just yet because he knows that the question was not simply about whether it is weird for him to kiss his hand, the question meant more than that. He can sense that the younger is overthinking about something. For sure, he knows that Changkyun is still insecure of the thing that is going on between them; two men who are in love with one of them being inexperienced in the whole thing. It is Changkyun’s first time being in a romantic relationship with a man and Hoseok doesn’t want to take advantage of that. All he wants is for Changkyun to be ready for this kind of relationship and also to be brave and Hoseok is willing to do anything to help him. He wants Changkyun to feel safe and loved.

Hoseok clears his throat, glances towards Changkyun for a second to give him a reassuring smile and finally answers him, “No, it’s not weird at all. It’s totally okay… I-I like it.” _Anything to get rid of his worries._

The younger hums at his response, kisses the back of his lover’s hand again except this time he let his lips rest there and Hoseok can feel him smiling to himself. _Anything to make him feel loved._

After 20 minutes of driving they reach Hoseok’s apartment. Changkyun seems more light-hearted than before – the tension no longer there—and Hoseok can finally feel his shoulders relax. He just wants Changkyun to be himself and not to overthink their relationship. He unlocks the door to his apartment and lets the younger enter first, looking at him adoringly as he enters, somehow feeling nervous but excited at the same time as this is the first time that Changkyun is at his home without their friends. Just him and Changkyun. Whew.

“Here we are…” Hoseok says, not sure of what to say or do because they didn’t really plan on doing anything that afternoon but Hoseok just randomly invited Changkyun to his home after hanging out with their group of friends. And for what? Neither of them thought of that.

“Here we are…” Changkyun repeats him. A slightly playful smile now plastered on his face as he lets his feet carry him to no particular place in the apartment so he stops and turns to look at Hoseok who has his back resting on the front door that he just locked. He raises his eyebrows, waiting for the latter to offer him a drink or to invite him to sit down on one of his couches. Or to make a move. He’s not sure himself what he expects to happen in Hoseok’s apartment.

The older just stares at him with his lips pursed, still not sure what to do but more importantly, unsure if the younger feels like doing anything. But now that he is in his apartment, they might as well do something, right? Something about the fact that it is their first time being _alone_ in Hoseok’s home…

Changkyun whistles to himself as he puts his hands into his pockets and looks at the brown-haired man whose back is still glued to the door.

God, Changkyun just looks so beautiful standing there staring at him with his doe eyes.

Hoseok really needs to do something.

Hoseok clears his throat and moves away from the door, now approaching the younger whose eyes are still on him. His steps are careful but the way his hand leaves his side to touch his lover’s cheek is confident. He looks into his eyes as if trying to read his mind and to his success, what he sees is longing. Damn everything; the way Changkyun bats his eyelashes, how his shaky breath hits his skin and now the feeling of his curious fingers which somehow made their way to Hoseok’s lower lip.

A minute passes.

Hoseok blinks.

Changkyun swipes his thumb over the blond’s lower lip.

Hoseok gulped.

“Will you… kiss me?” Changkyun asks.

As if there’s something else that Hoseok would rather do at that moment, he doesn’t hesitate to answer him, “Sure. Why not.”

So their lips meet for the second time since the night Hoseok had first confessed to Changkyun which was also the night when Changkyun had become so scared of his own feelings. He tried to blame the alcohol for the overwhelming feeling in his body and how he wondered if the taste of Hoseok’s lips would get rid of it. He tried to convince himself that because there were couples making out on every corner of the room, he wanted to know what it felt like too… with Hoseok. He had always admired the older for his kind personality towards everyone, the amount of empathy that he has and how he never wears a façade because he’s not afraid to show people his genuine feelings. Hoseok is such a vulnerable person that Changkyun thinks it’s cute and even makes fun of him every time he cries over little things. Changkyun is the most playful with Hoseok but it never bothers the latter, he would just roll his eyes every time he is being made fun of and Changkyun thinks that it’s really admirable of him that he never defends himself for being too emotional. Changkyun thinks Hoseok is full of love.

Hoseok enjoys Changkyun’s youthfulness but it’s not just because Changkyun is the youngest in their group of friends but because Changyun embodies everything that is innocent and daring at the same time. Changkyun loves making nerdy jokes that he sometimes never gets, talks about films as if they were his own life stories and lives as if he has another century to live. Those, Hoseok had noticed a long time ago but he did not expect himself to be so absorbed by the younger and he definitely did not expect to feel so small next to him. Changkyun makes him see things that he had never noticed such as the beauty of a horizon at 6 a.m. in the morning, the pleasure of overcoming his fear of heights when they were at the top of Namsan Tower and the mysterious universe a pair of brown eyes could hide. Hoseok thinks Changkyun is full of life.

So their lips meet for the second time.

They part.

And they meet again for the third time.

Hoseok can barely control himself but because he knows Changkyun is still new to this, he hesitates on taking it any further. He feels the need to just place his hands on the younger man’s hips to pull him closer but he’s not sure if the latter would like that and he doesn’t want to be selfish. For the first time ever, Hoseok doesn’t know what to do with his hands. It seems like the man in front of him is so fragile that he could break right in front of him and he doesn’t wish for that to happen. He just wants Changkyun to be safe in his arms – if his arms were considered safe.

Changkyun looks up to the man in front of him, noticing how he’s hesitating to actually kiss him and he wonders why. He lets out a frustrated sigh as he hooks his arms behind his lover’s neck, making their faces closer to each other. They have never been _this_ close before. Hoseok’s heart starts to beat faster.

“Kiss me for real, Hoseok.” He said with a pout.

At that, Hoseok feels like his heart is on fire—no, his whole body is on fire. Never in his entire life would he have guessed that he would be hearing Changkyun say those words so confidently to him. _To him_.

“R-right.”

Changkyun closes his eyes, anticipating the kiss and Hoseok cups the side of his jaw, his other hand gripping the younger’s hip without hesitation and moves closer to capture his lips. This time, he’s really kissing him. Oh, the way his lover’s lips taste on his own lips. It’s definitely much lovelier than when Changkyun’s lips were on the back of his hand. His lips are a bit dry because of the cold weather but Hoseok’s lips are perfectly moisturized and he wonders if Changkyun’s lips would still be dry at the end of the day if they were to kiss for a long time. All Hoseok can think of right now is the fact that he really is kissing Changkyun on the lips. Changkyun. Kissing. Lips. He’s already thinking of the amount of kisses they would share in the future. The taste of his lips. Their shared breath. Their chests together. He loves all of them. He really loves kissing Changkyun. He can’t name anything that is lovelier than this until…

Changkyun parts his lips. Hoseok is taken aback for a second but that doesn’t stop him from seizing the opportunity to deepen the kiss – probably too fast that he accidentally pushes Changkyun making the latter take a step back to balance himself. Hoseok wanted to mutter a “sorry” but what comes out from his lips instead is a moan. He didn’t mean to moan but it earns him a smile from the younger as their lips are still glued to each other. The kiss is messy as Hoseok hasn’t found the right angle – their noses always seem to be in the way – so he twists his head to the side and tilts Changkyun’s head upwards.

Changkyun never knew where he got the confidence to ask Hoseok to kiss him _for real_ as he had said but he knows that he doesn’t regret it. It would have been a crazy idea if he is the old Changkyun… the old Changkyun who thought that it was wrong for a man to fall in love with… a man, the Changkyun who was so sure that he would one day get married to a woman and spend the rest of his life with her, the Changkyun who would join his family laugh at gay couples and call them names… the Changkyun who hadn’t met Hoseok who was full of love. But now he’s glad that he had met Hoseok; the person who taught him that love is everywhere, love is limitless and most importantly, love does not count on genders and he’s not afraid to say that he has indeed fallen head over heels for his friend. So at this moment, it doesn’t feel wrong and he is now sure that Hoseok is the one that he would like to spend the rest of his life with and his family…. What would his family say about this?

The thought came to Changkyun so suddenly, he can feel the anxiety spreading through his body and he breaks the kiss. The cold air hits his face as his lover takes a step back cautiously and their lips no longer pressing against each other. The older has a worried look on his face – probably thinking that he had done something wrong – and Changkyun’s heart hurts seeing him like that, knowing that the older would feel bad for being in love with him who is so inexperienced in this whole thing.

“W-what’s wron—did I do something wro—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” Hoseok blurts out in panic, his hands now no longer on the younger’s cheek and hip but lying beside his body guiltily. He feels like he had fucked up and he hates himself for enjoying the taste of Changkyun’s lips on his own.

“No, nothing like that,” Changkyun sighs, not wanting to tell Hoseok the thing that is bothering him because he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. Not when Hoseok is fully prepared to give all of his love to him and he is also willing to do the same thing for him. Not when Hoseok is right in front him, lips plumper than usual and eyes full of longing. “C-can we continue?” Changkyun says shyly though he’s very sure that it’s the only thing that he wants to do at this moment.

He refuses to think about his family and their reactions. Screw their close-mindedness. Screw them, this time. There’s definitely nothing wrong with having feelings for a man, right? What difference does it have with having feelings for a woman? They’re all humans at the end of the day and there is absolutely no reason for love to be exclusive for heterosexual couples. Love is love. Maybe Changkyun’s family won’t understand it and maybe they would look at him in disgust when they find out that he’s gay, he could care less. Knowing them, he knows that he won’t be able to convince them to understand him when he, himself spent too long of a time trying to figure out his own sexuality.

Oh, the nights he spent just staring at his ceiling, asking himself if it was just a phase, if he had not met the right woman yet, and if he really saw Hoseok just as a _friend_. Not to mention the times he would distance himself from Hoseok because he was afraid that the latter might have feelings for him every time he found him to be a little too touchy (but most of the time it was because he was afraid that _he_ was the one who was developing feelings every time Hoseok’s touch sent waves of bliss through his veins). He would hate himself every time he let himself enjoy Hoseok’s attention (and touches) knowing that he enjoyed it in a not very friendly way but the next day he would crave the same thing. Sometimes he would ignore Hoseok’s messages and cancel plans with their mutual friends – afraid that he would be there too – but his thoughts always made their way to Hoseok. Hoseok who is full of love, who sometimes finds excuses to be the one to drive Changkyun home after hanging out with their group of friends, who unconsciously (Changkyun thinks) places his hand on the younger’s lap when they watch a movie together and who would blush every time Changkyun drinks from the same bottle as him or if they share the same spoon. And Changkyun would reciprocate his behaviour; he would on purposely speak in a smaller voice than usual with Hoseok just to get the latter to lean closer to him so that he could whisper into his neck, he would mindlessly (Hoseok thinks) play with the buttons of Hoseok’s shirt when they talk at parties and he would “accidentally” tap on the call button on Hoseok’s contact on his phone just so the older would call him back. After almost a year of questioning himself and “playing around” with Hoseok, he finally admitted that he is… in love with the man.

So two weeks ago, at a New Year’s party, Hoseok looked too good for his own good that he had to finish a bottle of soju in one go the minute he arrived at the party. Screw his new haircut and the way he naturally made his way to sit with Changkyun on one of the couches. The younger acted as if he didn’t notice the other walking up to him and only turned to look at him once he felt his weight beside him, his own body sinking a little bit into the couch as Hoseok was sitting too close to him and Changkyun, for sure, felt his heart sinking too as the older’s face was too close to his. He tried to play it cool, of course, gesturing to the older with his empty bottle of soju as he looked away, not wanting to further acknowledge the fact that Hoseok didn’t take notice of the little distance they had between each other. For most of the night, they spent every minute just talking to each other when they could’ve talked to everybody else in the room, it was as if they had never talked to each other before (both of them were aware of that fact but neither removed themselves from the couch).

When their friends no longer offered them drinks and the music got too loud, they found themselves sitting at the patio awaiting the fireworks to decorate the sky. They talked about their new year’s resolutions; Changkyun mentioned that he just wanted to go with the flow, playing along with whatever life would throw at him and Hoseok mentioned that he wanted to be braver. It sounded too vague to the younger so he asked the older to elaborate and so he did. Hoseok told him how he had been running away from his feelings and silenced his own heart and how he wished that this year, he would like to open up more to the people that he loved. Changkyun scoffed at that, convincing Hoseok that he was one of the few people in his life who was like an open book but the older tried to convince him that he was wrong.

“Mmm, I’m pretty sure I’m right,” Changkyun had said that night. “Come on, Hoseok, you wear your heart on your sleeve all the time.” He might be a little bit drunk at that time but he really meant it. Besides, it was one of the things that he admired about the older. “I don’t really get what you’re trying to say.”

Hoseok stared at Changkyun for a while, thinking about what the younger had said; well, he was right. Maybe now was the time for him to be more open to the people around him (especially to those that he loved). He clicked his tongue, now confident that he could explain what he was really thinking. “Not really… I mean yeah, I do but this time it’s a little bit different.” It sounded more like a question and he noticed how Changkyun looked even more confused so he continued, “I-I’ve been feeling things… actually, my heart is doing all these bizarre things and you know how people say to follow what your heart says? I-I don’t do that shit. That shit scares me.” He was sure that he wasn’t making any sense anymore because at that moment, Changkyun was looking straight into his eyes with his mouth agape.

Hoseok shook his head and tried again, “I don’t know but maybe I’m just getting old—and lonely so I’ve been thinking about a lot of things, Changkyun. I’m trying to figure things out, I really am and I feel like I know what I want but I’m afraid that maybe I shouldn’t be wanting… what I want, if that makes sense so… I just ignore them; those feelings I have… towards a particular someone.”

At that, Changkyun instantly clapped his hands as if he just hit a jackpot because even though he was tipsy, he didn’t miss the phrase that Hoseok just used; _particular someone_. And because Changkyun was naturally a playful person – plus, the fact that he had quite a lot of soju now in his blood – he teased Hoseok about it and persuaded him to tell him something about that “particular person”. Hoseok blushed and Changkyun was having fun looking at his friend flustered so he kept on insisting him to tell him about it, getting up from the previous space that he occupied on the floor to sit nearer to Hoseok. The older acted as if he was annoyed but he couldn’t hide his nervousness by the way he looked at the younger and Changkyun, the little shit that he was, began to tug on one of his sleeves and begged him again like a puppy asking for a treat. A part of Changkyun knew exactly what Hoseok was going to confess. He couldn’t be wrong because Hoseok had been making it so obvious. So when Hoseok grabbed the hand that was gripping his sleeve and looked at the owner in the eye, Changkyun was confident that he was ready to hear it.

Hoseok breathed in.

“I like you, Changkyun.”

Changkyun breathed out.

Changkyun beamed at that – he wasn’t surprised as he felt like he knew it all along – so he looked away at the midnight sky as if it contained all the prizes that he deserved now that he felt victorious for the man beside him had confessed his feelings. But what about him? Should he confess too? He could feel all of his body cells screaming at him to confess his feelings too but he thought that it was just the alcohol. But Hoseok looked so good that night and so… make-out material. Fuck, maybe it was just the couples making out in the living room that made him think about this kind of things. But Hoseok literally just confessed. And because the older was so brave for doing that, he decided that he should be brave too. It was only fair.

“I like you too, Hoseok.”

Hoseok looked at Changkyun for a moment. He somehow felt tipsier than before so he thought that he had imagined Changkyun saying that. But now Changkyun had this stupid smile on his face, he didn’t know if he really meant what he said or if he was just teasing him. Hoseok closed his eyes. He let go of Changkyun’s hand and joined his own hands together on his lap. He felt ridiculous for a moment and he wanted Changkyun to just forget about it but a part of him felt the need to spill everything. There was only a few minutes left to New Year anyway, he might as well start on his new year’s resolution. He sighed and clarified himself; “I like you in a romantic way, Changkyun, not just in a friendly way.” He had said it so calmly despite the amount of alcohol he just consumed but he, surely, felt the need to get everything off his chest.

“And I, perfectly understand that, Hoseok,” At this rate, it felt like they were roleplaying. “I also like you in a romantic way, not just in a friendly way.” Changkyun had repeated what Hoseok just said nonchalantly and the latter felt even more ridiculed.

“Yeah right, if so, I’d really like to kiss you right now and maybe you’d allow me to do that but the next day, you’re either gonna regret it or you’re not even gonna remember it because you’re drunk, Changkyun, you’re drunk so I’m not even gonna try to kiss y—“

“No, really, do it.”

Okay, so maybe Changkyun wasn’t drunk, maybe Hoseok was the only one who was drunk. Hoseok was confident that Changkyun didn’t say that – or any of the things that he had said that night – so he was convinced that he was just imagining the whole situation and maybe Changkyun wasn’t even sitting beside him at that moment. Maybe it was just his imagination or Changkyun had a clone. Who knew. Maybe he could actually kiss him... That didn’t seem like a crazy idea at all if everything wasn’t real and it was just in his head all along. Hoseok suddenly felt confident again thanks to the alcohol in his body so he went for it. He leaned closer to Changkyun.

Changkyun looked back at Hoseok – no longer in the mood to tease the latter because their faces were so close to each other in a matter of seconds and Hoseok’s hand was now on his hand. Changkyun noticed the smudged eyeliner that Hoseok had put on, the sound of someone jumping into the pool a couple of feet away from them, the faint R&B music from the living room, and the sound of people counting down to New Year – anything to distract him from acknowledging the fact that Hoseok was really going to kiss him. As hard as he tried to distract himself, the taste of Hoseok’s lips on his own was all he needed to admit to himself that Hoseok was kissing him because he had told him to do so.

It was a new sensation and they both liked it. The feeling of Hoseok’s hand on top of Changkyun’s. How the back of Changkyun’s head now touched the sliding door behind them. The way their noses touched. How Hoseok regret not taking a deep breath before kissing the man beside him. The way Changkyun slightly puckered his lips. So on that night, before the fireworks had the chance to burst in the sky that was watching them, their hearts were the first ones to burst out of pleasure.

But it was brief… unlikely the way they’re kissing in Hoseok’s apartment.

The kiss gets hungrier and hungrier and they can’t seem to keep their hands off each other. They are kissing _for real_, alright. Changkyun’s hands travel back and forth from his lover’s chest to tangling themselves in the man’s brown hair. Hoseok has never been so excited. Both of Hoseok’s hands are now holding the younger’s waist, sometimes finding their way to his back to pull him closer. Because things are heating up, Hoseok helps Changkyun to take off his coat without having their lips part and Hoseok gets rid of his own jacket which he attempts to throw onto one of his couches but instead lands on a fake plant at the corner of the living room. Changkyun thinks he’s hot nevertheless.

Changkyun has never kissed someone so passionately before and he definitely didn’t expect himself to have his first passionate kiss with Hoseok, but the way the man tastes on his lips feels so good. He doesn’t even mind that he is out of breath because what Hoseok is doing to him right now has his nerves on fire and he’s feeling so many things at the same time in his body. Everything feels so good. Their bodies are glued to each other but their feet are as if they are trying to learn the waltz, carelessly moving around the living room, their backs hitting the couches or the walls from time to time. When Changkyun’s back hits one of the walls, their lips part for the longest time during the kiss – which is only like 3 seconds – before Hoseok looks at him in the eye and starts to attack his jawline with soft kisses. Changkyun becomes a mess under his kisses because he knows what’s coming… and so it comes. Hoseok has his face buried in the crook of Changkyun’s neck, lips on his sensitive skin and because the latter feels so ticklish, he turns his face away from his lover – not that he’s not enjoying it, of course. He feels like he’s losing his mind but he wants Hoseok to do it again and again and that is exactly what he does. Hoseok is not aggressive with his kisses but they are feathery light and so sweet at the same time, taking his time to taste the skin which is new to his pair of lips. Changkyun closes his eyes to relish the neck kisses that he’s getting and he can feel his heart throbbing against his ribcage. At this point, he feels like he is literally melting so he holds onto the solid shoulders in front of him which seem to be the only things that he has to support himself on his feet. Before he could feel overwhelmed on another part of his body other than his neck, he moves away from the wall as he softly pushes Hoseok back.

Hoseok is taken aback for a second, thinking that he was doing such a good job on the younger’s neck but then he feels excited again as the latter pulls the collars of his shirt and kisses him on the mouth again. Hoseok thinks that he can never get enough of kissing Changkyun, he could literally spend the rest of his life kissing him – but only during this moment, kissing is the furthest that they went. It’s not just the taste of Changkyun’s lips on his own that is intoxicating; it is the way their noses brush against each other, the little skin contact he feels as he held his lover’s hips, the bumping of their chests and the new crazy feeling of Changkyun’s tongue on—

“Ouch!”

“Shit, sorry,” Hoseok apologizes as he notices that he just stepped on the younger’s foot.

How do people in movies make out carelessly and not step on each other’s foot as they make their way into the bedroom? Hoseok asks himself and then he realizes that they are now in his room. How did they end up from the living room and into his bedroom? He has no idea but he is sure as hell that he is proud of it (except for the fact that he stepped on Changkyun’s foot before he could throw the latter onto his mattr—

“Eh, fuck it,” the younger says mischievously before he, too, realizes that they are in Hoseok’s bedroom, his bed just a couple of feet away.

Hoseok and Changkyun. Alone in a bedroom. There is a made bed.

Hoseok notices the change of air around them but he also gives in to the fact that he is out of breath so he’s not sure if he would like to have another passionate kiss with the man in front of him whose lips are a little bit swollen and t-shirt messily untucked from his jeans. He can’t – no, he doesn’t want to – imagine what else he would want to do to Changkyun other than those. Hoseok clears his throat, “So, what now?” He has his back facing his bed but he cautiously glances towards his bed for no reason at all.

Changkyun’s eyes are also on the bed instead of on the person in front of him who was asking the question. Changkyun shrugged coolly, “I don’t know… we could like—like lie on your bed and like c-cuddle… if that’s cool.” Talk about character development. Changkyun is surprised that he could just say it as if it was nothing but he thinks that since they’re lovers now, there’s no need to play with hints and he can just be straight forward. Is it a good idea though?

“Super cool,” Hoseok answers him and he sounded so nerdy he regrets it the moment the words left his mouth. Good thing, Changkyun is still flustered over the fact that he had asked Hoseok to cuddle with him on the bed instead of focusing on the older’s choice of words.

They awkwardly crawl onto Hoseok’s bed and lie next to each other, both lying on their backs as if they refused to face each other. _This isn’t how cuddling works_, Hoseok thinks. He shifts his body to move closer to the man beside him and Changkyun turns to look at him and whatever that he’s going to do. The older gestures for him to move closer to him too and he slowly shifts his body towards the middle of the bed, the sides of their bodies now pressing up against each other. Hoseok makes Changkyun place his head on his left shoulder and he automatically wraps his left arm around Changkyun. The latter rests his hand on the older’s chest and plays with the buttons of his shirt just as he did back when they were just flirting with each other. Hoseok smiles at that and buries his nose into Changkyun’s raven hair, taking in the smell of his shampoo which is familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. It’s funny how a few minutes ago, he was busy kissing Changkyun’s neck and the other almost lost his mind but now they’re shy again just because they are on Hoseok’s bed.

Hoseok chuckles at the thought and it makes Changkyun look up at him. Hoseok just stares at him, smiling from ear to ear. Oh, how cute is Changkyun with his doe eyes and his pouty lips. Hoseok observes the fading acne scars on his cheeks, his elegant nose, the curve of his lips, the earrings that he has on and he realizes that he might just be the luckiest man on earth. The man wrapped in his arms is his lover! He is in love with him and the other fell in love with him too. How crazy! He could kiss him all day if he wanted to, pinch his cute cheeks and boop his nose, there are so many things – no, privileges – that he can get by dating Changkyun! What a wonderful life! Hoseok has never been happier.

“Why are you staring at me so creepily?” Changkyun asks him, getting a little bit shy under Hoseok’s stare.

Hoseok purses his lips, his eyebrows now knitted together, his eyes a bit watery and he looks like he’s about to cry. “I-I get to kiss you, hug you, cuddle with you—I just—wow.” He simply answers as he pinches Changkyun’s cheek which causes the latter to grunt childishly.

It is such a Hoseok thing to do.

Changkyun rolls his eyes at that but he lets Hoseok pinch his cheek a little longer, knowing that the other adores him so much. He lifts his body off the bed for a second and pecks his lover on the lips before lying his head on his shoulder again, smiling to himself and wrapping his legs around one of Hoseok’s legs. Hoseok giggles cutely. He totally understands why Hoseok had answered that way; it is too good to be true. He lets his fingers trace one of Hoseok’s collar bone which is exposed because somehow the first three buttons of Hoseok’s shirt are undone (Changkyun is guilty for that). Changkyun tilts his head upward to stare at his lover, admiring his soft features and wishes he could kiss every part of him to show how much he is in love with him. He wishes he could just melt into Hoseok’s body, wanting to be as close as possible to him and know what it feels like to be so full of love.

Changkyun kisses Hoseok’s neck and the latter gulps at that. The younger adores his reaction so an idea comes to his mind; it’s time to return the favour. He plants a kiss on his neck again but this time it’s on one of Hoseok’s weakest spots. Changkyun smirks to himself as he feels like he just found a hidden treasure based on Hoseok’s response.

“You said we were only cuddling.” Hoseok grunts as he tightens his hold around Changkyun, which made the younger rest the left side of his body onto his with their legs still tangled.

“Mhmm,” Changkyun responds, his fingers still caressing Hoseok’s collar bones. “I’ve never cuddled like this before… let alone with a man.” He says with a small voice. “I don’t—I’m not even sure what I’m doing… but I like doing this.”

It is Hoseok’s turn to hum. What is cuddling anyway? Does it only involve being wrapped in each other’s arms? Neck kisses should be allowed, right? He doubts that there’s a proper way to cuddle. Whatever Changkyun wants to do, he will let him. He doesn’t think it is necessary to have some sort of rules to any of the things that they want to do as lovers. What matters is that they are in love and they have each other so he says, “You can kiss my neck again if you like.”

Changkyun blushes at that but he is certainly delighted that the older wants to feel kisses on his neck again. Changkyun never knew he would enjoy having his neck kissed so much just now and he has never thought that he likes it more when he is the one kissing the other’s neck. He tilts his head upwards which made Hoseok stretch his neck to expose more of his neck to the younger as if telling him to kiss his most sensitive spot. Changkyun slowly kisses said spot right below his ear and lets his lips rest there for a moment. Hoseok exhales heavily at that. Changkyun likes what he’s doing to the other as much as he liked what the other did to him. Changkyun nuzzles his nose at that same spot and closes his eyes, thinking about the situation that they are in right now.

“This feels so wrong yet so right.”

Hoseok hums at that and runs his fingers through Changkyun’s hair which makes the younger pur into his neck. He’s right, Hoseok thinks to himself. Two weeks ago, they were just friends who hung out almost every weekend with no established romantic feelings whatsoever except for the occasional “confused” flirting. They used to be two men who enjoyed each other’s presence and sought comfort from each other whenever they found themselves feeling lost. They always somehow made their way to each other instead of their other friends. Because of that, Hoseok realized that he didn’t just simply enjoy Changkyun’s presence, he wanted to be with him all the time and he liked knowing that Changkyun would always come to him for support and company. He wanted Changkyun all to himself. He started to wish that the younger would feel the same way too. Heck, he didn’t just want Changkyun to see him as his most reliable and loyal friend, he wanted Changkyun to actually have feelings for him. Like him. _In a romantic way._ He wished that almost every night because he knew he was in love with him. They used to be friends. Used to be. Now they are more than that. Of course it feels so wrong yet so right.

Changkyun looks up to Hoseok, waiting for a proper reply because a simple hum is definitely not what he wanted to hear. Hoseok notices the sudden insecure look that Changkyun has now and Hoseok thinks about it more. Well, maybe they were obvious with their feelings and maybe their friends had noticed it. The two of them weren’t the only ones playing games and making effort to be with each other all the time, their friends also played a part in some ways. They were so obvious, weren’t they? Hoseok realizes. Sure, he hesitated on making any move because they’ve been friends for a couple of years and it would be risky to suddenly confess his feelings for him. Plus, he wasn’t sure if Changkyun was into men, he never really talked about taking interest in anyone but he did know that the younger’s family was strongly against that…

_Oh._

It takes Hoseok a moment to realize what Changkyun really meant by the statement. By “so wrong yet so right”, he meant “so _wrong_ yet so _right_”.

Hoseok stares at the man whose head is resting on his shoulder and whose eyes were full of life staring back at him._ God, he’s the most precious thing to me now_. Hoseok slowly lifts his body off the bed which makes the younger rest his head on one of the pillows instead and hovers his body over the latter’s, supporting his own weight with his two arms placed on each of the younger’s side. He moves Changkyun’s bangs aside to take a proper look at him. Changkyun just stares at him, looking a little bit scared. Scared of Hoseok? No. Hoseok knows exactly what he is scared of right now. Hoseok touches their noses together as he closes his eyes. He can feel the shaky breath of the man underneath him.

_So wrong yet so right._

Hoseok captures his lips.

This isn’t just a friend-to-lover kind of thing that Changkyun is thinking about. This is more than that. It has been haunting Changkyun’s thoughts for a couple of weeks now which also triggers his anxiety every time his parents mention Hoseok. He has been hiding his relationship with Hoseok very well from his parents but it doesn’t stop him from overthinking that they would find out one day. He definitely isn’t planning on coming out because he can imagine what his parents’ reactions would be like. Both of his parents would be disappointed in him and he’s very sure that his father would be disgusted. Maybe his father would call him names too… He doesn’t want any of that. He’s scared.

Hoseok kisses his left cheek.

Hoseok had told him that if his parents were to find out, there would be no use explaining it to them because they wouldn’t understand anyway. Hoseok also promised that he would always be by his side no matter what happens. He’s right but Changkyun’s parents are his family and he doesn’t want to disappoint them. It was hard for him to accept the fact that he was gay because he was raised to think that being gay was wrong. Hoseok also knows Changkyun is worried about that. He also had a hard time accepting the fact that he liked men but he was lucky enough to have such understanding parents. Maybe he couldn’t really empathize on Changkyun’s situation but he wants to help him. Not just about being accepted by his family but everything about love.

Hoseok kisses the corner of Changkyun’s eye.

He knows that Changkyun is scared and insecure about their relationship because it took him a while to agree to tell their friends about it, he noticed how the younger is reluctant on having his hand held in public and he has never returned Hoseok’s I love you’s and I like you’s (except for that time when they were a bit drunk) but good for Hoseok, he most certainly can feel that the younger really is in love with him. He’s just afraid. He’s still unfamiliar to this because he was used to hearing that men should only be with women. Hoseok thinks that’s total bullshit. Hoseok thinks that there are no instructions to loving someone. To love.

Hoseok kisses his forehead.

They are humans and they didn’t come out of a factory in boxes with a folded up piece of paper which had instructions on it. There is no particular way to how they should exist as human beings. It’s going to be a mess, sure, but they’ll get through it. He and Changkyun are going to discover new things about love and each other and no one can tell them what they should or shouldn’t do. They don’t have to follow any rules. Love shouldn’t have any rules. There is so much more to love than just a man and a woman. Love exists in so many ways. It’s a shame that not everyone can see that but Hoseok is glad that he’s one of those who can. He realizes that he really is a person who is so full of love. He believes that love isn’t necessarily something that is shared between two people but it can also be something that is buried deep inside someone. As for Hoseok though, love isn’t just buried in him but he possesses it. Love exists in the way he smiles to the people around him, how he manages to see the beauty in everyone and how his fingertips touch Changkyun’s cheek so softly. Now he wants Changkyun to feel his love, to possess his own kind of love and to recognize his feelings as valid.

Kissing Changkyun again on his lips, he promises to himself that he will make his arms Changkyun’s safe zone, he will make sure that no matter how many curses they get from other people, he will hold onto his hand, he will hold it forever if he needs to and he will never break his promises. Now that Changkyun is everything to him, he will make sure that the younger gets used to having his hand held in public, his neck kissed, his waist held and him being loved. Anything for their love. Anything for Changkyun.

**Author's Note:**

> Phew! If you enjoyed reading this then please leave some kudos and i would really appreciate some comments too since it's my first time posting here! I really enjoyed writing this, though it's not as "beautiful" as what i had intended it to be,, but hopefully in the future i'll write more (better) wonkyun fanfics because i love wonkyun uwu 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this and i hope you have a great day!!


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